If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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