Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize