My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
