Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
