I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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