He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
