someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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