You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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