Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
