I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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