so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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