Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
