You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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