i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
