Duck Duck Cougar?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
