yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
