Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Two words: blizzard sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
