before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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