so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
