Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
