shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
