yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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