Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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