I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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