dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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