i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
