Will you blow on my dice?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
