just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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