I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
