GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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