I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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