you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
