I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Little spoons don't ask big questions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
