I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am midnight drunk by noon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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