I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
