Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
where are my eyebrows?
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