Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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