would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
