I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
