so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
