what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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