I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
