At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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