I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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