And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
