I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
