I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
