Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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