u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
