somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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