I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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