Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize