Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
