I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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