Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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