I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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