you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
