Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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