even my farts smell like vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
