Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
