am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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