but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
