I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
