Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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