i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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