Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
